"Why" I love you
Dear diary, I gotta say I'm going for another long post here again and gotta do it fast because I'm not in a good shape, especially my brain and I don't want to miss any detail of what happened.
I think you could get the idea that I meet this lovely girl once, twice, or three times a week. So you could say that actually I could not see her only three or four days (try not to make it longer than that!). Not longer, eh? No, it's fucking long. This girl is in the town, so close but yet so far because a reason.
Did I meet her lately? Yes, I did. Even if I barely have a chance, I try my best just to see her face once more. So this time it started with a simple day, yet the day and the night of that day is not that simple.
Gotta tell you first that I was SUPER busy. It was a bad timing bot there was always good things come along...with her in my life.
So we met the same metro station as always. She was right there at the same bench with black shirt and pants. I always approach her from the back just to make she feels how I feel when she entered my life; super surprised! She was sick again this time because she was back at her place to take care her little lovely zoo of dogs and cats. She has an allergy so that what happened to her. She said she went to see the doctor with her mom. Her mom was sick too. I wished they would recover soon.
It was like any other days when we meet, we talk, we walk, and we visit the library.
It's kind of make me sad knowing that I am always busy whenever I meet her. But still I dare to be with her. Because she is the one I really want to be with.
I was working hard that day. Too hard. She kept telling me not to work hard like this again. Well, I won't, my dear.
On the way back, she did something so stupid by swinging her hand too hard and lost her bracelet! It's a rubber one with stones and gems going all the way. They're green and light blue or white I think. I'm not good at telling colors. Like every men do. Then she started to panic real fast! OMG, I was so worried! Like "Shit! She's going to have a bad memory with me now!" or "Fuck, I don't want her to feel bad while being with me." So we started looking among the grasses. It was 18.00 or so and it was getting dark. I used my phone searching for it. Luckily, I tried my best and found it! Hahaha, even though I'm colorblind, I still did it. So proud of myself! Her face when I gave it back to her made my heart melted!
Anyway, though I thought I finished all the tasks I had on that day, guess what, I had a meeting to attend to at 19:30. So she and I found a place to sit together. I didn't know what to focus; my work in front of my face or her sitting across to me. She kept playing Sudoku while I kept looking in her eyes. she rarely looks back to mine. I guess that
What I really want to write is about what happened at night. Yes, we stayed the night.
After a long day, I think there was some thought that troubled her mind. I knew and I could feel it. It was me, at least it was something about me. It hurts me badly every time I feel that she is down even a little bit. On the way back home she said like she was to be alone to think about some thing. I couldn't let her be alone. I just can't do it with this girl. I used to do things I thought I would never do before and I thought that I couldn't do it to anyone else anymore. But this girl, she can control me without saying a word.
There was a sentence that made my heart stopped. She had told me earlier that she likes to ride a fast bike because it makes she feel exited. So exited that she isn't afraid of dying. That day, she told me it was not like that anymore. Now she's afraid of riding a fast bike and dying because she wanted to live a long life with me. I guess that was a very cute way just to say how she feels with me. It was super cute because she's not a good talker. This girl is going to kill me one day for sure!
She said she didn't want to go home because she didn't want to be crying at the place. "Why would you cry? What makes you feel so sad?", my head was thinking. It was something I did for sure. It was NOT something WE did.
At first, I thought it was going to be one of the saddest night to leave this girl go out alone in the night. I tried my best to convince her that if she would go out in the night, just please do it later because it was late and I could leave her by herself. I almost broke my own heart leaving her like that. And then she said "Just one night is all I asked." I said I would follow her, just let me settle something first. Those words of her were powerful and made my heart so weak.
There are times when people break their rules. Rules that they hardly break any day. And she is the reasons I break my every rules. I went through problems just to meet her or be with her. I feel like I'd rather take risks of getting into trouble only if I could be with her. And I was a man like that in the past.
After all, I decided to go after her. Why not? I used to let a chance like this slipped away more than once, so even if there is a chance I'm going to get hurt, I still will do it. We drank together and got drunk together. We touched each other like we are in love too deep. And yes, we know how deep we're into each other. She is like my soul to me. They way she reacts, it's like she knows what to act to get me and like she knows what I'm going to do.
She was sitting at Wine I Love you. I think she was already a bit drunk when I got there. She ordered a cider, peach, and she got another one for free. We talked for a long time but I think it's still too short. She was more drunk than me. We cuddled. I rested my head on her shoulder, she rested my mine. Though it was in winter but my heart was so warm from her doing. I kissed her cheek and forehead. It was the only way I could show her how I feel for her. And she did the same. I never felt so sure in love in so short time like this before. It seemed like she falls for me in that night, but my heart told me it was me who really fall so far for her. I might even be the one who feels too much than the other.
Anyway, we stayed so long, long enough to see the first light of the day. I didn't really want to go anywhere else that night. What was my thought that night? I wanted to kiss her on the lips so bad. There was nothing I wanted to do more than giving her a kiss that night. I waited for a chance but somehow I felt like she was not ready. And it was not the best time to do so. So I kissed her cheek once more before we were on separate way.
In the end, she was on her way to do her things for the wedding. I went back to my place. Believe me, I wanted to just run away with her if I could.
That night I knew the truth hiding in my chest for some time. That this is not just two lonely people being together but it's destiny based on what I could call it as a love.
I did whisper to her ears at the MRT that. "I don't even if I just really like you...or I already fall in love with you."
I know that the latter is my only answer.
It was an end for a day and night, but also was a beginning of something between us.
Dear diary, my heart is now taken by her.
PS: You could really break my heart now, you know that? I cannot go back to anywhere now.
Blue,
I think you could get the idea that I meet this lovely girl once, twice, or three times a week. So you could say that actually I could not see her only three or four days (try not to make it longer than that!). Not longer, eh? No, it's fucking long. This girl is in the town, so close but yet so far because a reason.
Did I meet her lately? Yes, I did. Even if I barely have a chance, I try my best just to see her face once more. So this time it started with a simple day, yet the day and the night of that day is not that simple.
Gotta tell you first that I was SUPER busy. It was a bad timing bot there was always good things come along...with her in my life.
So we met the same metro station as always. She was right there at the same bench with black shirt and pants. I always approach her from the back just to make she feels how I feel when she entered my life; super surprised! She was sick again this time because she was back at her place to take care her little lovely zoo of dogs and cats. She has an allergy so that what happened to her. She said she went to see the doctor with her mom. Her mom was sick too. I wished they would recover soon.
It was like any other days when we meet, we talk, we walk, and we visit the library.
It's kind of make me sad knowing that I am always busy whenever I meet her. But still I dare to be with her. Because she is the one I really want to be with.
I was working hard that day. Too hard. She kept telling me not to work hard like this again. Well, I won't, my dear.
On the way back, she did something so stupid by swinging her hand too hard and lost her bracelet! It's a rubber one with stones and gems going all the way. They're green and light blue or white I think. I'm not good at telling colors. Like every men do. Then she started to panic real fast! OMG, I was so worried! Like "Shit! She's going to have a bad memory with me now!" or "Fuck, I don't want her to feel bad while being with me." So we started looking among the grasses. It was 18.00 or so and it was getting dark. I used my phone searching for it. Luckily, I tried my best and found it! Hahaha, even though I'm colorblind, I still did it. So proud of myself! Her face when I gave it back to her made my heart melted!
Anyway, though I thought I finished all the tasks I had on that day, guess what, I had a meeting to attend to at 19:30. So she and I found a place to sit together. I didn't know what to focus; my work in front of my face or her sitting across to me. She kept playing Sudoku while I kept looking in her eyes. she rarely looks back to mine. I guess that
What I really want to write is about what happened at night. Yes, we stayed the night.
After a long day, I think there was some thought that troubled her mind. I knew and I could feel it. It was me, at least it was something about me. It hurts me badly every time I feel that she is down even a little bit. On the way back home she said like she was to be alone to think about some thing. I couldn't let her be alone. I just can't do it with this girl. I used to do things I thought I would never do before and I thought that I couldn't do it to anyone else anymore. But this girl, she can control me without saying a word.
There was a sentence that made my heart stopped. She had told me earlier that she likes to ride a fast bike because it makes she feel exited. So exited that she isn't afraid of dying. That day, she told me it was not like that anymore. Now she's afraid of riding a fast bike and dying because she wanted to live a long life with me. I guess that was a very cute way just to say how she feels with me. It was super cute because she's not a good talker. This girl is going to kill me one day for sure!
She said she didn't want to go home because she didn't want to be crying at the place. "Why would you cry? What makes you feel so sad?", my head was thinking. It was something I did for sure. It was NOT something WE did.
At first, I thought it was going to be one of the saddest night to leave this girl go out alone in the night. I tried my best to convince her that if she would go out in the night, just please do it later because it was late and I could leave her by herself. I almost broke my own heart leaving her like that. And then she said "Just one night is all I asked." I said I would follow her, just let me settle something first. Those words of her were powerful and made my heart so weak.
There are times when people break their rules. Rules that they hardly break any day. And she is the reasons I break my every rules. I went through problems just to meet her or be with her. I feel like I'd rather take risks of getting into trouble only if I could be with her. And I was a man like that in the past.
After all, I decided to go after her. Why not? I used to let a chance like this slipped away more than once, so even if there is a chance I'm going to get hurt, I still will do it. We drank together and got drunk together. We touched each other like we are in love too deep. And yes, we know how deep we're into each other. She is like my soul to me. They way she reacts, it's like she knows what to act to get me and like she knows what I'm going to do.
She was sitting at Wine I Love you. I think she was already a bit drunk when I got there. She ordered a cider, peach, and she got another one for free. We talked for a long time but I think it's still too short. She was more drunk than me. We cuddled. I rested my head on her shoulder, she rested my mine. Though it was in winter but my heart was so warm from her doing. I kissed her cheek and forehead. It was the only way I could show her how I feel for her. And she did the same. I never felt so sure in love in so short time like this before. It seemed like she falls for me in that night, but my heart told me it was me who really fall so far for her. I might even be the one who feels too much than the other.
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| Never though this drawing would become real |
Anyway, we stayed so long, long enough to see the first light of the day. I didn't really want to go anywhere else that night. What was my thought that night? I wanted to kiss her on the lips so bad. There was nothing I wanted to do more than giving her a kiss that night. I waited for a chance but somehow I felt like she was not ready. And it was not the best time to do so. So I kissed her cheek once more before we were on separate way.
In the end, she was on her way to do her things for the wedding. I went back to my place. Believe me, I wanted to just run away with her if I could.
That night I knew the truth hiding in my chest for some time. That this is not just two lonely people being together but it's destiny based on what I could call it as a love.
I did whisper to her ears at the MRT that. "I don't even if I just really like you...or I already fall in love with you."
I know that the latter is my only answer.
It was an end for a day and night, but also was a beginning of something between us.
Dear diary, my heart is now taken by her.
PS: You could really break my heart now, you know that? I cannot go back to anywhere now.
Blue,
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